Dear Ollie

Dear Ollie,

It didn't take your death for us to realize how lucky we were to have known you. We knew that we were lucky all along. Even if we had somehow been oblivious to how special you were, we would have eventually realized it from the never ending comments and compliments that you received from friends and perfect strangers. When we first met your litter we immediately had our eye on you. You were our perfect match and you were meant to be with us.

In the first few weeks of having you in our lives we couldn't believe how many people, especially complete strangers, would approach us on the street to tell us how amazing you were. At first we thought that it was just because you were a puppy. OBVIOUSLY puppies are cute, and you were no exception. But it didn't stop. The attention kept coming long after you outgrew your puppy stage. Sometimes we would leave you outside of a restaurant or store and would watch dozens upon dozens of people flock to you just to give you love. When they would discover that we were your parents they would gush over your sweet demeanor and handsome looks. Your dad used to joke that your head was going to be rubbed off by the time we got back to you. We wondered to ourselves if all dogs get the same reaction that you did or if you were something special. We knew that WE loved you, but how did you stop so many people in their tracks? We were told every single day that we were lucky to have you as a dog and we never doubted it.

In your short 2 1/2 years you became very popular. You went everywhere that your dad went and saw everyone that he saw. From job sites to lumberyards, gas stations to hardware stores, the Cafe, Lexi's sports games, parties, boats and weekend getaways. When we got in the car it was rarely ever a question of whether or not you would be joining us.... you were part of our family. When the news of your death spread we were flooded with comments, calls and messages from friends who had been affected by your life. So many people missed you, loved you and couldn't believe that you were gone.

Do we wish that we had done anything differently? Of course. You may not understand this, but sometimes humans take things for granted.... even the things that we love the most. We take each other, our jobs, our homes, our food, our vehicles, opportunities and... our pets for granted. I know that you don't understand this because you appreciated every single thing in your life. You treated every meal, walk, game, boat ride, snuggle on the bed and moment with us as if it were your last. You especially never took us, your family, for granted. You were there when we needed you, patient when we didn't have time and appreciative when we did.

If we had known that you were going to leave us so soon, we probably would have fed you another bone, taken you on a long walk, let you ride in the front seat all day long, let you eat the cat food in the pantry without being yelled at, given you more room in the back of the Suburban, been grateful that you loved us enough to follow us around rather than annoyed, taken you for one more swim in the freezing ocean, let you shake your wet fur all over us... I could go on and on. The point is that while we loved you more and more every day, we still took your devotion for granted. But thank you for never doing the same to us.

We know that you had a good life, heck you had a GREAT life. What other dog spends every single day with his dad, plays in lakes and the ocean, rides on a jet skis, snowmobiles, excavators and goes tubing on a lake with a bunch of kids? You lived life to the fullest and never passed on an opportunity for fun.

Even though you may have been a little jealous of Kiera at 1st, you didn't show it. You loved her and the attention that she gave you. "Ollie" was her 1st word... even if she didn't say it perfectly. You were the reason that she learned to clap and as soon as we pulled her into bed with us every morning she would pat the bed and call your name to jump up and join us. I think that it was some kind of deal that you 2 had worked out ;)

Thank you for sleeping in bed with Lexi every night - it comforted her and she misses you more than you could know. She has had a hard time sleeping since you left. Thank you for potentially saving our lives. You went out in a blaze of glory. We know that you sensed danger near your family and ran toward that bear to protect us, but we are so sad that it cost you your life. It doesn't surprise anyone that you would do such a thing though, because you loved us more than anything. No other dog will ever compare to you in our eyes.

Thank you for sharing your amazing life and spirit with us and for reminding us how quickly we can lose our loved ones. Thank you for protecting us and for loving us unconditionally. You will always be remembered as the dog that saved our lives :)

Excitement, Change and Heartbreak

Kiera at the Blue Hill Fair

Our lives have been eventful these days between vacations, Lexi's sports, both of our businesses, making plans for business expansion and growth, chasing a 1 year old around, etc.. Some events have been fun, some have been life changing, some have been downright heartbreaking. Let's start with the fun and move our way down:

Somehow I made the decision to go to my 10 year high school reunion, and then I convinced Jeff that it was a good idea. THEN we bought the reunion tickets, the plane tickets, reserved the rental car and hotel room..... and then there was no turning back. What had I done? Was I really going to travel to Virginia (and drag my husband and baby with me) to go have small talk with bunch of people who probably wouldn't even remember me?? Ya see, after graduation I had sort of walked away from the whole experience, I went to college in Florida, failed to keep in touch with many high school friends, and never looked back.

Although I tried to convince Jeff that we really didn't NEED to go to the reunion, we could just hang out in the hotel room, he obviously insisted. I'm happy to report that I had a great time and was able to reconnect with some of my favorite people from the past. Finally, after 10 years, I'm at peace with my high school experience. My only 2 regrets are that I forgot my camera so I didn't get any pictures and also that there were about 30 people who I never got a chance to even say "hi" too. Oh well, there's always the 20th reunion I suppose!

Since my last post we've moved back into our Hall Quarry house. In other words, we are no longer living in the 500 square foot apartment that's attached to our restaurant. What a relief to come HOME at the end of the day. We all agree that living at the restaurant during the summer was absolutely necessary, but now we are incredibly appreciative of the space that we have. Kiera has her own room where we have finally crib trained her and she is sleeping through the majority (sometimes all) of the night. Lexi has been decorating her room and keeping it mostly clean most of the time ;) and I can actually wash loads of laundry. I'm suddenly appreciative of the space to clean... because there is actually SPACE to clean.

Lexi's soccer team recently won their division championships. They played the championship game on the big high school field and it was tied all the way until the final penalty kicks. In her 8th grade year she got lots of playing time, started in many of the games and genuinely enjoyed being part of the team effort. I always comment to her on what a great teammate she is, and it's true. I think that it's something that Jeff has instilled in her. He never lets her blow off practices or games, even if it means rescheduling an orthodontist appointment for a fourth time. She made a commitment to be part of a team and she definitely followed through with it this soccer season. Without even a week between the two sports, basketball practices have started. I personally love basketball season and can't wait for the 1st game!

Kiera is a riot lately. She's learning new words and phrases all of the time including "baby," "kitty" "thank you" "more" "Mommy" "Uh Oh" "Ollie" "Big Girl" etc. Even though we are still very busy and (thankfully) the cafe is still bustling I have had a lot more time to appreciate my family and the girls and the time that we get together.

The heartbreaking part is hard for me to blog about, because... well it isn't called "heartbreak" because it's fun...

My sister Emily and her boyfriend Justin, who were expecting a child, found out at their 14 week ultrasound that they had lost the baby. The news was entirely unexpected, as I'm sure that it usually is, and we all felt so much grief to have to say "goodbye" to someone who we had never met but still managed to love so much.

The sadness that I've felt for Emily and Justin has consumed me. While I was obviously looking forward to a playmate for Kiera and for my sister and I to raise our children together, that is not where the greatest sadness came from. It came from watching 2 people who I love so much lose something that they loved so much. I've determined that feeling grief for someone that you love is JUST as painful as feeling it for yourself. My mom was fortunately at a wedding in Connecticut and she came up to spend a few days here after we got the news. I know that we will all recover form this, but for now I just don't think I can feel "normal" until my sister does. That will just take time.

There's no doubt that everything happens for a reason, and this is no exception. So we will just take this time to heal and be there for each other. Like all hard times, this is making me appreciate all of the good in my life.

Emily, Mom, and I out for Halloween and missing Aunt Beth, and "Jerry"

Our friends Peter and Christina got married and it obviously turned into a crazy dance party... to say the least

While in VA for the reunion we got to see my mom and John. We took Kiera to a Zoo and went on a safari type ride. So fun!

Visiting with a great high school friend and her family. Carla and I got to reconnect and Kiera and Kaylee got to know each other :)

Yes, we are nerds.

With Raine at the reunion - one of my oldest and best buddies.

With some more high school lovies - Me, Gabby, Tintin and Rose. Sorry for the crappy quality, but you get the basic idea!

We Made It!

So I've learned that summer isn't really "blogging season" in Bar Harbor, which would explain my recent absence from the blogging world. But I TRIED! Between work and work and family and work and life and weddings and family in town... I really did TRY. I pulled up my blog list and saw 5 drafts that I started late at night over the past few months but never had the mental stamina to finish. Just like anything in life, I will need to ease back into it and just give a basic rundown of the past few (insane) months.

August has slowly loosened her overbearing grip on my life and I'm finally beginning to feel like a human again rather than a robot restaurant slave. I've never been so glad to see September. If you've ever lived in Bar Harbor during this time of year you know what I mean... if you have owned a business here then you DEFINITELY can relate. The good news is that the Cafe is busy busy and we are getting rave reviews. The other good news is that Kiera's daytime babysitter Jillian has been a blessing to us and everyday that I pick Kiera up from her house, she is a smiling, well-fed, clean and happy baby!

This has been a summer of sacrifice in many ways. We asked Lexi to move with us to a teeny 500 square foot / 1 bedroom apartment that's attached to the restaurant. We asked her to work 3 days/nights each week all summer as a babysitter to Kiera while we work. We all gave up our fancy free lifestyle to buckle down and dedicate our efforts to both of our businesses, we've given up our Sleep Number Bed, our laundry room, our privacy, and our ability to take a full day off. Lexi has been a trooper and we have made the best of everything. Jeff and I sneak away for "dates" whenever we can and we are loving the fact that we don't have to drive back and forth from Hall Quarry to Bar Harbor multiple times per day. In fact, I think I will miss this little place once we move back to our house in October!

This has also been a summer of new and exciting experiences for Kiera. As busy as we may be, we're still having fun with her. We have been escaping to our boat on the pond, taking her to the swimming pool, playing in the park, watching her master walking (which has turned into running), and seeing her bond with all of her family members grow... especially Lexi. I'm not really sure where or how we found time for these things, but occasionally, we did.

To be honest, I want to write little stories from the past few months like I would in a normal blog... but I can't. I blame the month of August. I'm embarrassed to say that this time period in my life was officially a blur. I hope that it is the last blur that I experience, because it all goes by so fast anyway (without the help of 16 hour work days and anxiety attacks.) I've learned a lot though, and I will be more prepared for next year. I will know my limits, I will know my staffing needs, and I will be able to take care of myself a little more.

Every day was about the restaurant and the kids. Jeff and Lexi were super stars who helped wherever it was needed. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it was almost like we went into survival mode, like everyone was just doing whatever had to be done to get the job done. We fell into a sort of routine as a family. I woke up most mornings saying something like, "OK Jeff, what is the game plan for today? I will start feeding Kiera if you can bathe her while I open the restaurant. I can take her to Jillian's while you head off to work but then I'm serving lunch, so how will she get picked up? Can we get Lexi on that? Also, Lexi wanted to go tubing with some friends so maybe we can run over to the pond in between lunch and dinner. Do you think maybe your mom can take Kiera for a few hours afterward while you wash dishes and I bartend during the dinner rush." That was a fairly standard day.

At times I'm super jealous of stay-at-home moms and at other times I'm not. Both lifestyles have their pros and cons, just like anything in life. Both lifestyles are very hard work, but just in different ways. I will say that owning my own business has allowed me to work for a living while also keeping Kiera close by... sometimes right in my arms....and that's pretty special for me. When I was opening the restaurant and 6 months pregnant just about everyone told me that I was crazy. I didn't agree at the time, but I stand corrected. But here we are and we are making it work. Some days are easier than others and BOY don't I appreciate those times a lot more now.

The big news this week is that Kiera is turning ONE!!!!! Her B-day is this Saturday, but we are having a party for her on Sunday. I'll be sure to post photos :)

Oh and other big news is that Side Street Cafe won and placed in MANY categories on the "Best of the Best of MDI ballot." Our amazing customers voted us for the Best Burger in town AND the Best Lobster Roll in town. We were also voted for Best Business Lunch, Best Healthy Lunch, Best Chef (Kris), 2nd Best Wait Person (Megan), we placed 2nd and 3rd in many other categories as well. It was fun to participate and to be recognized. Young's Building Contractors was voted as Best Building/Remodeling Company and he was voted Best Carpenter! It almost makes us feel like our hard work this summer really paid off!

I did manage to take some pictures this summer, but uploading them hasn't quite happened. Here is what I could come up with for now:

The famous Side Street Lobster Roll.... lobster straight from the boat to the cafe, handpicked, lightly tossed in mayo and then LOTS of it stuffed in a grilled roll.

A sprinkling of a "secret ingredient" on top :)

One of our 1st boat rides of the season out to Spectacle Island with our great friends

Our nephew Evan graduated high school and entered the Army. This photo was taken before he left for boot camp.

He made us all proud by graduating and has been stationed in Texas for more training. We miss you Evan!!!

This is how I felt at the end of most days.

This Crazy Life

As any followers of this blog may have realized by now, I'm a fairly reflective person. Lately I find myself reflecting on what can change in a year. 1 year ago today I was 6 months pregnant and Jeff and I were 3 days from opening our new restaurant. So much has happened in this year and now I find myself very grateful that the 1st year of business is behind us. It certainly wasn't easy and at times it was downright scary. As always, Jeff never let me give up and continuously assured me that everything at Side Street Cafe would be ok. And as always, he was right, and I am beginning to feel our growing pains slow down. It is still a struggle and I've surrendered to the fact that it will be a struggle for years to come. The good news is that I'm so proud of what we have created. There aren't many restaurants in this small town where you can walk in to see such a diverse group in one room: 20 somethings taking shots at the bar, an old couple out on a date enjoying live music in the dining room, college students working on a school project, business meetings, parents with their kids, and a group of guys from the high school football team devouring burgers and fries. I wanted to create a place where everyone felt welcome and could find something to suit them and it appears that we are on the right track.

My Mom and My John (also known as a "step-dad"... although he is more than that) just left from a 5 day visit with us. It was so nice to have them here. They are the kind of parents that I don't need to try to impress, so their visits are never stressful. I didn't spend days cleaning the house and preparing meals before their arrival - my life allows no time for that. Instead they showed up and HELPED me clean the house, take care of Kiera, and run the restaurant. I used their help so much and I asked them multiple times, "Can you even imagine that I live this life and function withOUT all of your help?" My mom admitted that she did wonder how it was possible. Somehow we make it work though. On the days that have a little too much going on, Kiera goes to play and have a blast with Jillian and her 2 kids (thank God for her!) And on the days that aren't so packed, we go and play in the park, take walks, and make the most of the day.

I find myself often wondering if my life is REALLY this hectic or if it just feels this way. I had a pretty packed life and schedule before the budding business, new baby, teenage step-children and new marriage, NOW is a whole different story. I absolutely love it though. I love all of it. It took some getting used to, but everything that is packing my life up to the brim is positive. How could I possibly complain when I have a beautiful baby, a business that my supportive husband helped me build from the ground up, family members that I can laugh with, in-laws that live next door and who are always willing to lend a hand, and a "step-daughter" (again the "step" term doesn't do her justice) who I consider one of the best people in my life. At the end of her trip here, I asked my mom, "Is my life really this crazy? Or am I just a wuss? Do you think that it's really not that hectic but I'm just dramatic?" She responded with a pause and then, "No, your life really is pretty crazy, but you have a secret weapon and that's a supportive husband." Boy is she right. Without him I would be in the loony bin.

Anyway, I have 2 favorite stories about Lexi for this blog....

One is that she turned 13. We threw a party for her in her front yard with a big fire, decorations, pizza, s'mores a homemade ice cream cake (thanks Emily) and an introduction to the Mountain Dew version of Dizzy Bat (Thanks again Emily.) Lexi and her friends partied outside and us adults hung out inside until we decided to "crash" the party later. Jeff noted that this is probably one of the last traditional birthday parties that Lexi will have at the house (you know, because she will get older and too cool for us;)) so we tried to enjoy it as much as possible.

Party Crashers

Father/Daughter Love

My second story is about yesterday. I will admit that I was kinda at my wits end. My mom and John were leaving town, Lexi had 2 appointments in very opposite places and needed to be driven all over creation all day. I basically had to walk away from everything that I had to do in my life to drive to NE Harbor to Bangor and back to NE Harbor. Needless to say, I expected the day to suck and be more than frustrating. I dropped Kiera off with Jillian so that she could have fun while we...didn't. Well, to my surprise, Lexi saved my sanity. We drove to Bangor and just started chatting and laughing about everything. On the day where I thought I wouldn't be able to take anymore, I found that all I needed was a little girl time with my favorite girl. By the time her orthodontist appointment ended, it was too late to go back to school so we got our nails done and went out to lunch. We marveled at how much fun we were having and how we need to do things like that more often. It just taught me that when it seems the most impossible to slow down is when I need to do it the most.

Some good friends of ours recently lost their 19-year old daughter Ashleigh. Our hearts broke for them when we heard the news, attended the funeral, and even today while they continue to face everything. Ashleigh's mom, Wendy, told us that she had NO regrets about everyday that she spent with her daughter. She told Ashleigh everyday how much she loved her and supported her in everything she did. That hit me like a ton of brinks because I can be pretty cranky and I can sometimes end a day on a sour note because I'm tired or stressed. Life is too short for that crap. Days like yesterday with Lexi are what it's all about :)

Even more father/daughter love

....2 months later.

Let's just say that if my last post was on March 20th.... a lot has happened since! We now have a crawling, eating, babbling, traveling, daycare going, backpack riding child on our hands. I can already feel the urgency of the Summer in Bar Harbor creeping up on me, and I have to consciously tell myself to slow down and enjoy all of the little miracles that are taking place in our lives everyday.

April was another great month to watch Kiera grow and change. She is babbling and saying "da da" "ba ba" "ma ma" "blah blah" and many other sounds that create a lot of drool. Perhaps the biggest change is that she is crawling and pulling herself up to stand now! She started crawling on my 28th birthday and has been on-the-go ever since. She kinda crawls like a gobblin by crawling on one knee on one side (like normal) while stepping with her flat foot on the other side (not normal.) It's cute to see her own style mixed in there. She seems to use her foot on one side so that at any given moment she can sit back on her butt to look around. She's pretty darn clever....and nosy!

I continued taking Kiera to work with me well into May until we made the decision to find childcare for her. It was a hard decision in many ways. I had brought her with me everywhere I went for the 1st 7 months of her life. As Kiera started crawling, getting more vocal, and teething it got harder and harder to keep her "contained" at work while there were customers in the restaurant. It seemed like the only thing that would keep her cool was strapping her in the front pack... but as she got bigger and the restaurant busier it just wasn't realistic anymore. Not to mention the fact that she wanted and deserved to be crawling, squalking and just enjoying life.

Soooooooo after a great deal of searching and debating we found JILLIAN! And thank God for that! Jillian is a stay-at-home mom of 2 who has taken Kiera on as part of her pack. We are hoping that between she and Lexi, Kiera will be well cared for this season and into the winter as well. It was so comforting to find someone who we knew and trusted to take care of her and she seems to love spending time with all of them.

At the beginning of April, Kiera and I traveled to Florida to see mom and John. I also got to attend my good friend Jaime's bachelorette party while mom watched baby K. It was my 1st girls night out in a LONG time, and while I didn't know any of the others when we got there, I left feeling so excited for the wedding when I could see them again! All-in-all I was glad to be able to go on the trip, but it was a total relief to be back home where we were all able to get back into our comfortable routine. We had missed Jeff and Lexi and they missed us and we will be sure to bring them along on our next vacation!

Today I took Kiera on a hike at the Indian Point Bladgen Preserve and it was so gorgeous. We walked out to the water and could hear seals off in the distance. It was a perfect day and Kiera fell asleep in the backpack with her head against my neck which always makes me feel lovey. I had this total "high-on-life" moment where I was just overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude. I had a little skip in my step during the mile and a half trip back to the car. I carefully moved Kiera from the backpack into the car and then proceeded to get in the car and drive OVER the backpack....bending the frame to smithereens. Ugh. Jeff said that he can fix it and I have high hopes! This story should clear up any curiosity over whether or not I'm still suffering from a bad case of the scatterbrains.

It is so hard to believe that Lexi will be THIRTEEN in just 7 days!!!!!! She will be a real life teenager. So far, she is on the road to being a very cool, respectful, and fun person. I sometimes worry that any day could be the day that she starts being too cool to talk to me about stuff anymore, but so far so good! She has been helping us with Kiera and with working at the cafe, so hopefully she can save some money this summer while still having fun.

Jaime's Bachelorette Party

Visiting with Memere and Pepere

Oh and did I mention that my amazing friends and husband planned me a surprise birthday bash? It was pretty much the best.

Little Pumpkin Head on her 1st swinging adventure

Playing with Daddy at the playground

Dear 1st Day of Spring, We love you

March 20th was the 1st Day of Spring and we took Kiera to Sand Beach for the 1st time. It was such a beautiful day, and the little tiny one was able to feet the ocean and sand on her feet for the 1st time. I am probably the only mom who would put her child's feet in the 30 degree water while she was also wearing a sweatsuit and hat, but I just couldn't help myself! Don't worry, her feet were barely submerged for 3 seconds and I dried them off immediately.

We also headed over to Seal Harbor beach to meet up with some friends and to let Ollie run wild with the other dogs. It was nice to get a little reminder of what we enjoy so much about Summer in Maine: beautiful scenery and time with great friends.

Baby K and Aunt Emo

Professionally, things have been really busy at Side Street Cafe! We have been holding events and live music just about every weekend. Lexi and her classmates have made some amazing artwork that will be displayed and offered for sale at the cafe. 100% of the proceeds will go towards relief in Haiti. They are banners made from sail material and can be hung both inside and outside. I'm so proud and excited with what they have created! We are holding an art opening and sale on April 9th for the public. The pieces that don't sell that night will remain on display for the rest of the month. Here is a preview of a few:

First Meals and Celebrations!

We have been feeding Kiera rice cereal for a week or so now and tonight she graduated onto steamed and pureed APPLES!!!!!! It would be an understatement to say that she absolutely adored them. It took about 15 minutes to make her meal and I really enjoyed the process. Instead of using a high chair, we have been using her Bumbo chair (up on the counter) with a tray attached. She gets so excited about the food that she won't sit up straight. Instead, she lurches as far sideways as she can to get closer to the spoon. Im excited to continue making her baby food and to eventually mix and match foods to make yummy combinations.

The start of my apple creation :)

Kiera was grabbing Jeff's hand when he would get close enough with the spoon.

This past week was BUSY and full of celebration. We celebrated our good friend Erica's 28th birthday with dinner at Town Hill Bistro. Unfortunately, I didn't get any photos of that night, but we had a great meal with great friends. She loves her birthday and wasn't expecting to find everyone at the restaurant when she arrived.

We held a special dinner at Side Street Cafe for Valentine's Day and it was such a success! Kris designed an awesome menu full that got amazing reviews from everyone who came. My cousin Jean helped tremendously by taking Kiera off of our hands for a few hours while we worked our butts off!

Side Street Cafe is also planning a fundraiser on Friday, March 19th with the Island's Meals on Wheels and Island Connections Programs. We hope to raise awareness (and of course money) for the local non-profits. It has been fun to plan the details with my good friend Allie. She works for the Housing Authority and is equally passionate about fundraising and volunteerism as I am. She has booked Chuck Donnelly and Emma Walsh to perform during the event. We will be providing delicious hors d'oeuvres (including a mashed potato bar) entertainment, and the opportunity to support our neighbors. Events like this are really the reason why I was so excited to own my own restaurant. Obviously, regular business is what pays the bills, but community events are so fun and creative. We will be promoting the fundraiser in the next few weeks, but anyone who would like more information can call the housing authority (288.4770) or the cafe (801.2591)

This Sunday we will be celebrating Emily's birthday! There is sure to be ice cream cake and lots of fun :)

This hat was a gift from my dear friend Danielle. It is so adorable!

It has been a long time since my last post, but I think that I have some pretty valid excuses!!! Life has taken a chaotic turn in the past month or so. For starters, I am working A LOT more. Kiera and I generally work at least 6 shifts/week at the cafe. It has been nice to have more of a presence there in these winter months when so many people are coming in for the 1st time. It's also so nice to hear all of the great reviews. Jeff and I have invested our life (financially and emotionally) into Side Street Cafe, so to hear customers say how much they love it is incredibly rewarding. But... it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. I have found myself as the only server in the midst of a full restaurant with a screaming baby strapped to the front of me a few times. THAT is a nightmare. Most people are obviously understanding, but it is still such a stressful situation.

99% of the time I'm incredibly grateful to be in a position where I can work with my daughter by my side (or on my front) meeting her needs and playing with her in the down moments. 1% of the time, I am swearing that it is the last day that I will ever be in this situation as the only server with food is in the window, a table that needs menus, 4 tables that need their checks, 2 that need to place an order, 1 that table wants the music turned down, 1 table that wants the fireplace turned on while I need ice from the basement, people are standing in the door with no clean tables to sit in..... and Kiera clearly needs to be fed because she is screaming. haha! Obviously, the 99% outweighs the 1% and I'm living and learning and trying to make each day easier on both of us.

To be honest, I come home many days at the end of my rope. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed (caring very little about blogging) and needing a big break from everyone, Kiera included. I don't usually get that break, but life goes on and I eventually gain perspective and remember that this is what it means to be a mother. This is what it means to care about others' needs 5 million times more than you care about your own. I think that it's important to acknowledge the tough times because it is (ironically) pretty easy to pretend that you have it all together. I have found it to be much harder to speak honestly about how difficult it can really be. I don't mean "complaining"... I mean recognizing that it is a tough job and NO ONE does it perfectly. It's ok to feel overwhelmed. It's ok to question if you know what you are doing. And it's definitely ok to throw your hands up when you need help.

Yes, it can be difficult at times, but I wouldn't change it for the world and I love every second. With all of our time together, Kiera and I are forming such a close bond. I love to see her face light up when she sees me and recognizes that I'm that lady that loves her, feeds her, and carries her around all day. She is usually great with other people as well, but when she sees Jeff, Lexi or I she seems to recognize that we are the main figures in her life. Grammie (Jeff's mom) has been helping out a lot these days by spending time with Kiera in the morning before we head to Bar Harbor. It's amazing how much I can get done in a 1 hour period without a baby. I'm like a 60 minute superhuman.

We have started feeding her rice cereal from time to time and she seems to be enjoying it. Next I will start the adventure of making my own baby food. My friend Carla recently started, and she gave me some great tips. It seems to be very easy, healthy, and less expensive in comparison to store-bought baby foods.i

I mentioned to Jeff that I have been LOVING her 4th month. She is rolling, laughing, playing, finding her toes, eating her toes, "talking", drooling, and smiling like crazy. It dawned on me that I have said that every month is my favorite month, which can only lead me to believe that it will continue to get better from

here.... until she is a teenager of course ;) Each month, we learn more about her and we watch her learn more about the world around her.

I spend so much time blogging about Kiera because I'm with her all day, but Lexi has seen a lot of excitement lately as well. Her basketball team made it to the play-offs, but eventually lost to Southwest Harbor. This year has been so fun for us as parents because she was playing on both A-team and B-team. Her school didn't have enough girls to fill both teams so she was needed on both. We got to go to twice as many games to cheer her on! I seriously loved watching the girls get better and more cohesive as the year progressed. Not to embarrass her, but she has also been working really hard to keep her grades up. On the nights when I don't have to work, we sit down to work on her math and study spelling. Now I know how my parents felt, because she is learning things in school that I definitely don't remember at all.

She and her classmates are working on an art project now that will be featured at our cafe. All of the pieces will be for sale and the proceeds will go to relief in Haiti. A Haitian student from COA and I went to Lexi's school to speak to the students about Haiti and about their ability to make a difference with their artwork. I can't wait to see how they turn out and I'm hoping that Lex will help me display them at the cafe when they're ready.

Here are a few photos of life these days! Enjoy :)

Baby K and Aunt Emo ice fishing on Long Pond!

At the Cafe :)

A visit from our friend Janet.....

Our first measurement of Kiera on the wall! She is officially a "Young." 25 inches tall!

Elephant Love

Side Street Cafe these days:

Sister Love

We are so proud of her!

Daddy Love

Toe Sucker